Today I received an email that left me sick to my stomach. It was from the stepmother of a reader of my blog. Stepdaughter killed herself…trying to find answers…saw that her stepdaughter had commented on my blog…saw I’d responded to her..saw I’d told her to email me personally.
She did email me. I did email her back. She still killed herself.
She was being bullied, she said. She had many regrets, she said. She was going nowhere, she said.
The feelings. Guilt. I was so busy with work. I should’ve written a better response. Regret. I could’ve saved her. Anger. How is it that we allow teenagers be so cruel in their ignorance? Grief. Her family. Their pain.
I had known it was a high risk situation. I had emailed her back with what I thought to be a supportive email, but that was it. I remember being stressed at work. I should’ve done more. I should’ve followed up. I should’ve given her more resources. I knew better. I let her down. I let her family down. I let myself down.
I thought about the meaning I could find in this. The lessons I could take away so I could sleep tonight while her family lies awake for the next 2 years. That you can do everything you can to support someone, but their ultimate suicide is out of your control. That bullying increases suicide risk greatly, and must be taken seriously. That the bad haircut I was stressing about 15 minutes ago is pretty freaking insignificant now.
But most importantly: If, in this moment, you are suffering, know that you are not alone. Hundreds of thousands of others are out there, too, feeling the same feelings. Masking their tears. Lying in a puddle of tears. Ashamed of their tears. Despairing, hurting, coping, not coping. Know that it won’t–it can’t–last forever. You are not in this alone. I’m in this. That person crossing the street when you’re stopped at a light is in this. We’re all in this together.
If, in this moment, you are not suffering, know that everything you do matters. Every moment of connection you have matters. Be compassionate. Ask a stranger how they’re doing. Open a door. Offer a smile. Think twice before being rude to your colleague or the cashier. Treat every interaction with care. Be strength for someone else who needs it right now. It will come back around, because you will hurt again too.
Please spread this message. We can’t be perfectly compassionate and connected in every interaction, but we can be better. We need to be better. Care for the humans around you. It does make a difference. It does matter. Start now.
If you are feeling suicidal, you’re not alone. Please reach out to one of the following resources:
National Suicide Hotline (USA)
Suicide Helplines (Canada)
Suicide Helplines (Australia)
In memory of Breanna Lestenkof
Bless you. Such a horrific scenario. One we all fear – You are not alone. ❤️🙏
Sent from my iPad
LikeLike
Thank you, Fiona ❤
LikeLike
Well said…a troubling situation, makes one wonder what has gone on in these kids lives, to make bully others.
LikeLike
Thanks for the comment, Chris. Yes, so heartbreaking and devastating…I hope things will shift for the better in the future, and we’ll find a way to prevent tragedies like this :(.
LikeLike
Kindness strengthens others – thank you beloved daughter for reminding us. Mom xx
LikeLike
Megan – thanks for this. I try to live this way in life. Will miss you at PSCA Victoria? How is life in NYC? Ron
LikeLike
Ron! Will miss you too!! Life in NYC is great, but I’ll be back in Van eventually ;). Sending you and the PSCA family love!
LikeLike
To the parents, my deepest condolences. The guilt comes unbidden but this is a time to grieve and not to inflict more wounds. The why it happened is more complex than anyone can unravel especially now. Megan you are right, we need to be better humans, everyone benefits, everyone and the thing is we need it desperately. May you all find the room in your heart to deal with this. x
LikeLike
Thank you so much for your kind comment, Moy–very meaningful and the balm I was needing at the time <3. xx
LikeLike
So true. When I was younger I did not realize the power of my words/actions. I would say hurtful comments to my younger sister not realizing that soon she would agree with the things I was saying to her, even those I didn’t mean. Eventually physically harming herself and believing she deserved it all, which sucked to watch. Just confirming the longlasting effects of bullying. Now I try to treat ppl well not just because I don’t want to be hurtful, but because it really impacts how people feel about themselves when others treat them badly. Leads to awful stories. Being better human beings should be on everyone’s agenda. Set good examples for the youth.
LikeLike
These experiences are so powerful for us, J, because we learn deeply the impact we have on others. I think most of us (myself included) have bullied in some way at some point. It’s through doing that we realize how damaging it can be, and change our behaviour. Thank you for sharing ❤
LikeLike
Thank you for sharing this post. I am grateful for the reminder for us all to show up as the Love we are. I feel the Love you choose to share and appreciate you greatly for this decision.
LikeLike
Thank you for reading, and for your kind comment, Elliot!
LikeLike